When the uber-talented Kimberly Riggins invited me to be a part of the BossLady Blog Tour to celebrate the launch of her new baby, The Bead Effect, the first thing that went through my mind was this:

My second thought was, “Why me?” BossLady is not a term I would have chosen to describe myself. First, I don’t have the hair (see above photo). Second when I think “BossLady” I think someone who moved up the ladder in the corporate world wearing designer suits and emotional armor. Plus J.O.B’s and I have never been friends for long.

Then I read Kimberly’s BossLady Manifesto and realized she’s redefining the word and the culture.

No catty behavior. Give more than you take. Trust your gut. Don’t compete, collaborate.

I smiled, hit reply and typed two little words: I’m in.

With The Bead Effect, Kimberly is creating a circle of women entrepreneurs who want to connect, collaborate and support each other. She’s looking at the entrepreneurial world with an abundance mentality instead of the usual “there’s not enough to go around.”

Because I too believe in an abundant universe where there’s room for all of us to be successful and fulfilled, I want to share my Top 3 Tips to Being a Happy BossLady.

Tip #1. Find Your Way (but don’t reinvent the wheel).

I’ve worked with some incredible business coaches. Smart, successful women who really care about their clients’ success. I learned so much from them. I worked hard to implement what they taught. I also made myself completely and utterly miserable.

After repeating this cycle a few times the light bulb went off. Their way is not my way. I had to figure out what lessons, skills and goals I wanted to incorporate while still getting enough sleep, being a functioning mom, wife and generally happy human being.

I’m still working this out. I stretch out of my comfort zone and readjust, stretch and readjust. I go back to what I learned and incorporate more of it. I notice when I’m on the computer too late or I’m feeling grumpy because my child wants dinner when I haven’t finished working yet. (Oh the inconvenience!) I take a step back and check in with myself.

There are lots of people out there who are ready to sell you on their path to success. Find the one(s) you trust, go in with an open mind and then make it your own.

Tip #2. Don’t Listen To Everybody, Listen To Your Heart

When I first launched my business I chose a niche because “everybody” told me I had to. It was the way to get noticed, to be successful, to do it right.

The only problem was that in my heart I knew I didn’t want to stay in that niche forever, which meant that pretty quickly I wanted out. Badly. Only I didn’t know how to change niches gracefully. I had to let it all fall apart. Which felt awful and scary and like I was failing.

I’ve always been one to listen to my heart (or my gut, or my intuition – call it what you like), but for me starting a business was like being immersed in a foreign country where I was at the mercy of the few people who spoke my language. So I listened to everybody else first and myself last. Big mistake.

It took me over a year of listening deeply to myself for my business to crumble and rebuild. From the outside I don’t think it looked nearly as dramatic as it felt. There were moments of frustration and fear but as long as I kept walking in a direction that felt aligned with my core values and kept listening to the wise voice inside me, I trusted I’d be okay.

I was – I am – so much more than okay.

Now I have a business that lights me up in a way I wasn’t actually sure was possible. I still have questions and I know my work will continue to grow and change. The difference now is that I check in with my intuition first, then the teachers, coaches and big thinkers I have come to trust, then my intuition again. I would encourage you to do the same. Because “everybody” isn’t running your business, you are.

Tip #3. Find Your Support Systems Sisters

Being a solo-preneur or running a very small team can feel incredibly lonely, especially if you don’t already have a community of business-minded (or success-minded) people around you.

For a long time the only person I could talk to about my fledgling business was my husband. He’s smart, knows the business world intimately and is hugely supportive of my work but he’s also my husband. It was hard for him to witness my emotional ups and downs and also feel able to offer advice without me biting his head off (Because I just wanted to be heard! No, I wanted advice! No, I wanted to be heard and held and loved!) It was crazy-making for both of us.

Then thanks to the business coaching, I found an amazing community of women who were willing to support each other online in a Facebook group. Occasionally we’d break into smaller groups or get on the phone with each other and it was such a relief to have someone else to talk to. Someone who really understood what I was going through and could offer empathy and advice but didn’t have to also do my dinner dishes, get our daughter ready for bed and sleep next to me at night.

At the same time, I’d been asking the universe (and some lovely humans) about a mastermind group and two years ago, one came together that has changed my life and my business. We’re a small group of five and we talk every two weeks, staying connected online in between calls.

It took time and effort as we stumbled through awkward moments and talked openly about our hopes and dreams for the group and ourselves. We were courageous in the face of hurt feelings and we kept showing up even as we stepped on each others’ toes. Now our businesses are exploding with goodness and we’re able to share our work and personal worlds with each other, knowing that we’ll receive support, encouragement and (tough) love when we need it. These women are my business sisters and I no longer feel alone.

So whether it’s in a free Facebook group, a weekly networking breakfast or a paid mastermind, find your tribe. Find the people who will cheer you on when you’re down and happy dance with you when things go well. Treat them well and hold them close. Give as much as you receive, with an open heart. Because one thing I know about being a BossLady is that no one is meant to do it alone.

Catch up with all 12 fantastic BossLady bloggers here. Make sure to read yesterday’s brilliance from communication maven Maggie Patterson and tomorrow watch out for the sparkly magic of visionary brand artist Lucinda Rae!

 

I’m away on retreat part of this week. I brought too much with me and my planner has a to-do list as long as my arm. But as I sit here in my yurt, fairy lights framing the skylight and candles lit beside me, my only desire is to get quiet and listen. If that’s all I do with my time here, it will be the most precious gift.

I invite you to join me. Even if your days feel full and there’s no time to stop, see if you can quiet your voice (the incessant internal chatter too), turn down the distractions and really listen…to the world around you, to your loved ones, to your heart.

Behind the scenes over here magic is happening. My mind and heart are being blown open on an almost-daily basis. And I’m juggling what it all means for my life: increased self-care, stronger boundaries, new schedules and structures and big learning curves. I’m letting go, finding space and asking for help. I’m also getting clearer on exactly how I want to show up in the world, whether it’s in my life at home with my husband and daughter, in my work with my amazing clients, with my friends or in the private, internal world of my heart and soul.

The one thing that’s not in question is that the calling to show up and serve in bigger ways is fierce. And in order to do that, I need to do the work.

The work of getting enough sleep, of saying No (thank you) more often and Yes (please) when it makes my heart sing, of having more fun, of lighting candles and chanting mantras, of staying grounded and centered and playful, of making time to sit by the ocean’s edge. The work of being fully present for my family, for my clients, for my life. The work of being the most aligned, beautifully-broken-open-and-pieced-back-together, vulnerable and loving human being I can be.

This is the real work for all of us – to be our happiest, most filled up, most lit up selves.

So whether your work is to change diapers, blow raspberries on soft baby bellies and dance around the kitchen banging on pots and pans with your toddler,

Or it involves sitting down at the page, day after day, to tell the story that needs to be told,

Or it means scrubbing toilets and showers and other people’s dirty floors,

Or all of the above,

Show up. Do it to the best of your ability. Make a difference by being who you are.

If you hate your job and dream of moving to Nashville to write country music then show up, every day, and do the work that takes you one step closer to Nashville. Note: This is not easy. Walking steadily towards a dream takes massive amounts of courage, vision and trust.

And if you’re thinking the big picture is foggy and you feel like you have no answers or clarity, then show up in that. Keep asking the questions and washing the dishes and putting one foot in front of the other in the dark.

Sometimes showing up means taking a nap, or staying curled up under the covers when you’re too tired or sad or sick to do anything else. Remember to show up for yourself as much as you show up for others. (That’s a tricky one.)

Do the work that your heart and soul are calling you to. Today, tomorrow and the day after that. Let yourself be filled up and lit up, whatever that looks like for you. Because as Marianne Williamson so beautifully wrote in A Return to Love, “Your playing small does not serve the world.”

P.S. If you’re feeling stuck or unsure of what your particular brand of brilliance is, a Fresh Start is a beautiful and gentle next step to take.

I met Annika Martins briefly at WDS (the World Domination Summit) this summer and was struck by her classical beauty and warm smile. We have several mutual friends and as often happens these days, we became Facebook friends. Whenever her words pop up in my feed, I find myself smiling and nodding, appreciating both her point of view and the way she weaves words together.

Last week I read this post on her blog, about the discomfort that accompanies the growth process, as we become the people we are here to be.

She offered the above words as a prayer and I share them with you for those days when you feel the old stories, habits and patterns weighing you down, trying to keep you scared and small.

I am…
You are…
We are here to rise.

Thank you Annika, for reminding us of this truth.

 

P.S. Please go read her original post and while you’re there, you might want to jump on the mailing list for Sacred, an event Annika is planning for next summer in Southern California that she describes as “one part spiritual conference + one part sacred dance party.” LOVE!