I am beginning to recognize the waves more quickly. Instead of struggling at their onslaught, this morning I surrendered. I sat down, bowed my head and let them wash over me. I felt my body shake with sobs, my breath catch, the tears drip off my chin. Instead of fighting I let it happen and when it passed and I could breathe again, I stood up, put on some soul-healing music and continued with the day.
If only it were always that simple.
Perhaps it is.
Honestly, it is that simple! The only way to survive the waves of grief and guilt and sadness and emotion is to ride them out. Let them wash over you and give your self permission to feel whatever you feel. When you try to fight the waves you will drown in them. Thinking of you and your sweet Benjamin tonight.
I experience my own waves also. Tonight was hard because I was writing next to my sleeping husband (as it is too darn hot to leave the bedroom) and I could not sob like I wanted too. This makes me think more crying will be involved in tomorrow’s battle – which is fine. I hate when I push away the tears. My throat locks up and my heart feels like cement. Letting it out is much more simple. Thinking of you as I go to bed. I will pray for you as we mourn our losses and try to sleep….