I felt like I was missing a part of myself yesterday when I was unable to post. I know that no matter what else happens in my day, I will be able to sit for a few minutes with myself, my grief, my joys, my process.

So here’s what I would have said last night if I could have.

*****

We traveled today to Vancouver Island. We are here for a wedding, to see one of my best friends and then my brother, his wife, their daughter and if she obliges by arriving close to her due date, my newest niece.

My gorgeous goddess friend Diana and I started in the dance program together at university and were roommates for a time. I was a bridesmaid at her wedding and it was the weight of her four month old son’s sleeping body on my chest that convinced me on a cellular level that I wanted children. Her gift to us at our wedding was to make our flowers – and my face – look beautiful.  We’ve talked each other through love affairs, marriages, separations, divorce proceedings, parenting, starting and ending businesses, following our hearts and our spiritual paths. We haven’t seen each other in five years but in that moment of hello, time warps and shifts so that no time has passed at all. We have more gray hair now and more lines on our faces. My body is heavy and full with grief, hers is thin and strong from dance, single mamahood and big career growth.

I couldn’t wait for her to meet Ada. Two bright lights in my life finally coming together.

They had so much fun. When they danced together to Beyonce’s Halo, my eyes filled.

A love song to all of my angels.