Steve is in the air on his way to Germany until next Saturday. I am already exhausted.
I hereby proclaim it to be eat-take-out-when-I-need-to, get-more-sleep, be-extra-kind-to-myself week.
P.S. Miraculously, Ada ate broccoli tonight and stated emphatically “I love broccoli”. I wonder if little angel brothers have any control over things like that.
Extra kind to yourself take out week sounds like a fabulous idea 🙂 Love the CD you sent me by the way thanks SO much again!! 🙂 (((hugs))) <3
Dear Alana, my name is Tiffany and I am Somer Cooper’s best friend that she wrote about to you. She has been telling me about you since your loss of Ben and as I read her most recent blog post I see you have come into my world again. I read your entire blog tonight. It is now 1:52am (I too struggle with the ideal superwoman complex of how to get it all done and get it done right). I wanted to reach out to you for so many reasons. First of all thank you, your blog broke my heart and filled it up at the same time. I am still crying. I wanted to share a story with you because you have been brave enough to share yours. I hope you dont mind, I just felt like I should share this. One my best friends since the age of 9 is Audra. Audra had a lot of trouble getting pregnant, 4 years of trouble to be exact. Finally after invetro she got pregnant and we were due to have our first babies a month apart. Both boys. We were thrilled and giddy as could be, they would grow up as best friends just as we had. At her 20 weeks anatomy sonogram they suspected something might be wrong with him, 4 weeks later at 24 weeks Audra had to deliver him via induction. He had a rare disease that would not enable him to live outside of the womb. James Thomas died July 12, 2006 he was due in November. The anguish, guilt, pain, saddness Audra felt is everything you are so eloquently able to put into words. She would say as you do that it is something she would never get over. I felt a huge loss as well and was devastated along with feeling guilty that I got to “keep” my son. She was unable to see my son in person for a year, I understood and accepted the gestures she was capable of with great love. She joined a support group and every year they have the most beautiful rememberence ceremony. I will be going to James’ ceremony again this year only without Audra. Let me explain. I wish the pain in her life ended there but it did not. Two years later Audra did have the strength to try and concieve again and this time she got pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl, Adam and Olivia. Eight months into their little miraculous lives Audra was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer. After a grueling 14 month battle Audra passed away on January 25, 2010. The twins are now 2. I dont tell you this to scare you or depress you in any way. I just tell you this because it is truth. I thought about omitting the end of the story but then that wouldnt be Audra’s truth and the truth of her three children. I am grieving too, crying again as I write this. Grieving my friend, grieving her loss of James, grieving your loss of Ben, grieving for the world. I think your husband touched on something very true to the human experience, once you start to “really” grieve it opens you up to a lifetime of necessary losses that need to be grieved in some manner. It is a long process and for some I dont think it ever fully heals, nor do you want it to. As you say, “grief changes everything”. As I said earlier, my heart utterly breaks for you, my heart utterly fills with love and compassion for you. I wish you peace, love and learning. Your son had a wonderful purpose, what a sacraficing soul, he must really love his mama. I am grateful for your beautiful writing, you truly have a gift and you have touched my heart deeply this night. Much much love on your journey. Tiffany