The ache

Today I’m taking my cue from Susannah Conway’s August Break and posting a picture.

This is Ada, who decided she would try “Mutton Busting” at the county fair today. My heart pounded as she was helped into her padded vest and helmet, her chin held so tightly she could barely smile. She stood calmly in line, turning to hold her hand out to the sheep behind her as my heart broke and it was all I could do to keep the tears from falling. Holding on hard to my composure, I wondered how many times I will have to hide my fear as she steps into her own life. How many times I will ask my angels to keep her safe, keep her alive. How many times I will lean deeply into the knowledge that I have no control and all I can do is love her every moment, of every day, for the rest of my life hoping, with the desperate ache of a parent who has already lost one child, that she will be there to receive it.

P.S. None of us had any idea what Mutton Busting actually entailed. After watching the first contestant fall off the sheep, she decided it was too scary. A moment of reprieve. For now.