When I miscarried my first pregnancy, I needed something tangible to remember the little being who was growing inside me. I found a thin hammered gold ring and placed it inside my wedding band, closest to my heart.

When I miscarried again in January of this year, I thought about getting another band. In the end I decided one would be enough of a reminder for both.

Now, again, I need something tangible to hold on to. Not that I will ever forget Benjamin. Ever. My heart will always carry the joy and the scar. But I want something to hold, to wear, to start conversations, to show the world that I have a son, though no one will ever meet him.

I have wanted to order a necklace from Ausloe Design for over a year. I decided this would be a good time. I love that it’s hand made and that I can add to it in the future. For now, I simply wanted a charm and birthstone for each of my children. Cheryl cried with me on the phone when I ordered.

It arrived today.

I have my something tangible.