I’ve started a new morning routine. Setting the alarm 15 minutes earlier, I sit in front of my altar, light a candle, say good morning to spirit with a short meditation and pull an oracle card for my day.
Today’s card: Peaks of Joy
Ummm, really? As I struggled to shake off sleep and sat thinking about my day, joy felt very far away. I began digging into a story that’s on repeat lately about the ways I fall short. A voice inside my head piped up: Stay open. Joy just might surprise you. (This same voice says things like, How dare you? when I start to criticize my body, or You’re perfectly okay when I tell myself I’m falling apart. It’s got a strong opinion, this voice, and it calls me out whenever I’m playing small.)
Stay open.
As I repeated the words softly to myself I could feel my body relax, tightness softening into expansion. Okay, I said to the voice, I’ll stay open.
Open is my word for this month anyway – new moon to new moon. Now it’s my mantra for the week. Stay open. Open. Open to…
It feels like a big yes to the universe – an invitation to disarm defenses and poke holes in walls. Even if joy doesn’t come often, open is a gentler way to move through my week than closed.
What do you need to open to this week? Joy? Love? Anger or grief? Let that wise voice inside of you speak. (I’m quite sure it has something to say).
I think I like, for me at the moment, “peeks” of joy. It somehow releases any expectations of scope or grandeur. Rather I can side-glance and spot something that makes me feel happy: it floods in as much as “it wants to” and eases my path.
Oh I love that Mom – “peeks” of joy. 🙂
As to Open, here is a quote that helps me and that I share with my students. Thank you, Alana, for reminding me of it today. Even though it was from one dancer/choreographer to another, I think it may be helpful for anyone.
A quote from Martha Graham to Agnes de Mille:
“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action,
And because there is only one you in all time, this expression is unique.
And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium, and it will be lost.
The world will not have it.
It is not your business to determine
How good it is,
Nor how valuable it is,
Nor how it compares with other expressions.
It is your business to keep it yours,
Clearly and directly,
To keep the channel open.
You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work.
You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you.
Keep the channel open.
No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
A blessed unrest that keeps us marching
And makes us more alive than the others.”
This is one of my favorites too (not surprisingly).
xoxo