Something has shaken loose in the last few days. Something I’d packaged neatly and put away on a internal shelf, covering it with a semi-gloss veneer of meditation, deep breathing and distraction. I feel like a new foal, standing for the first time, all awkward limbs and wobbly knees.
I was trying to figure it out. Was it my diet? A lack of sleep? The fact that I ran out of Vitamin D supplements last week?
Tonight I lay in bed with Ada as she tossed and turned, struggling to find rest, and realized it was time to stop my own struggle to fix myself and to find stillness and surrender in the discomfort.
I remembered that shedding old skin involves a period of feeling raw, that I don’t have to have all the answers, and that I can love myself even when I fall short of my expectations.
Sometimes I am grumpy. Occasionally I lose my patience. Once in a while I need a nap.
It turns out I’m still human.
If you’re looking for me the rest of this week, I’ll be the one wrapped in warm, comfy clothes, eating soup, drinking tea, going to bed early and finding laughter and gratitude wherever I can. And I’ll be looking into my own eyes with love.
P.S. The incredible Vivienne McMaster has been running a series on her blog the last several years called 14 Days of Self-Love, from February 1st through the 14th. I’m feeling delighted (and vulnerable) to be contributing today’s story. You can find it here. Treat yourself to all of the beauty by starting here.
What an absolutely beautiful photo of you. Cheers to you for taking care of what your body and soul need!
Ann MacMillan says
Cannot explain how much this post resonates with me. Thank you.
I am also looking at you, and into your eyes, with love. I love you.
It is a beautiful, soul-stirring photo.
Good to look you straight into the eye my dear friend! The way you are holding the camera is like you are putting your arms wide open for all of us to hug you.
So I’m sending you a Big One from Amsterdam (where the sun is finally showing itself again).