I’ve said it before and I’ll likely say it again – knowing what you want is vital to your well being. What you want to do, who you want to be, what you want to have.

What do you want to do in this moment? And in the next? And the next?

You might not be able to act on it –  you might not want to act on it – your therapist might have told you specifically not to act on it – but it’s still important to know.

This morning I wanted to sleep in until 6:15am, so I did.

I wanted to sit for a moment with my tea and eat a rich, delicious grain-free muffin with dark chocolate bits that a friend gave me yesterday, so I did.

I wanted to eat another muffin, but I didn’t.

I wanted to do my yoga and meditation, then write to you, so I did and I am. (In between I ended up with more tea and another muffin because I still wanted one and I knew I could enjoy it, without punishing myself afterward.)

Sometimes wants change. Sometimes I have to reframe my to-do list to a want-to list. Sometimes I don’t get what I want.

But checking in with myself and asking the question in the little moments add up to me being the woman I want to be and having the life I want to have. Baby steps eventually become the big picture.

What do you want, right now, today? What baby step can you take toward giving it to yourself?

I’m changing things up today and instead of a mantra, I’m sharing my “alphabet of now” inspired by one of my favorite bloggers, Lindsey Mead of A Design So Vast. You can read her version of it here.

This is a fun exercise and I invite you to join me. If you blog and choose to play along, please leave the link in the comments or tag me in the post so I can find it. If you post it to Facebook, feel free to tag me there too.

A is for Ada. She truly is the light of my life. It’s been so much fun watching her grow and 7 is a delightful age. She asks thoughtful questions, demonstrates emotional intelligence beyond her years, is goofy and smart and kind. I am blessed to be her mama.

B is for beach. Living steps from the beach was my dream as a little girl. Now, being able to head outside and work from the sand dunes or sit and watch the waves is a gift I do not take for granted.

C is for crystals. I’ve always been drawn to working with stones but lately I’m a little obsessed. I’m learning more about their different properties and trying to restrain myself from shopping for them constantly.

D is for dancing. I’ve been adding dance breaks back into my day and they help SO MUCH. I’m also hoping to get back into a Nia class soon.

E is for education. I’m on two committees at Ada’s school and either her dad or I work in her classroom four hours a week. I had lots of thoughts about education before having a child and this is giving me a chance to get even clearer on what I think works and what doesn’t.

F is for fun. I’m exploring what fun means to me and making sure I get enough of it in my life.

G is for Girl Scout Cookies. It’s our first year selling – something I hated as a kid when I was a Girl Guide in Canada. I do believe it teaches the girls wonderful skills and people love them. I struggle with some of the ingredients, though the Girl Scouts are being more conscious of this and changes are being made. Ada is having a great time and is figuring out what she has to do to meet her goal (another G word I have lots of feelings about).

H is for hormones. I’ve been working with an acupuncturist to balance mine. What a journey.

I is for investing. Investing in myself, my marriage, my child, our future. Investing time, money, effort, and love.

J is for joy. Every year since Ben died I’ve felt like there’s a little more room for joy in my life. I continue to actively invite it in and watch it grow.

K is for Kundalini yoga. I’ve been taking classes for over 4 years and I’ve finally managed to begin a regular home practice. This style of yoga isn’t for everyone but it has been healing medicine for me. I found it shortly after Benjamin was stillborn and cried through my first year of classes. I like to call it interval training for body and soul, and it has the most beautiful music. I’m heading to Sat Nam Fest West again this year and this feels me with excitement and fear (those 31 minute meditations are no joke).

L is for Love. Walking through the world as Love is my ultimate goal. I think it’s a huge and worthy one. I figure it will take me a lifetime to reach it.

M is for medium. When I learned to energetically clear spaces I also learned to help ghosts (stuck souls) cross over. This came as a shock to me because I didn’t believe ghosts existed. It took a number of encounters for me to realize that this is now part of my work. Life is strange and amazing.

N is for No. It’s never been easy for me to say no. I’ve discovered this is part of the reason I struggle with keeping my priorities at the top of my to-do list. I’m not very good at it yet but I’m practicing.

O is for ocean. Being near her feeds my soul. I don’t know that I could ever happily live land-locked again.

P is for playfulness. Playfulness can be hard for me. I’m not sure exactly how or when or why I lost my playful self. I know how much my family loves to see me feeling light and having fun so I’m actively tapping in to it as much as I can. Sometimes it’s easy to be playful. Some days it’s a million miles away. I’m learning it’s often a choice I can make in the moment – Do I want to be the heavy-handed, serious one or can I find my way to a sense of fun? Baby steps, sleep and forgiveness help a lot.

Q is for quiet. I need a lot of this, internally and externally. There is often too. much. noise. in my world. Lighting a candle, taking a breath and turning it all off for a while is a gift I’m learning to give myself.

S is for spine. I’m finally addressing imbalances that have been haunting me for years. Being a dancer gave me a high pain tolerance and I ignored my physical discomfort for too long. Thankfully I’ve found an incredible chiropractor who specializes in a specific technique that makes minor adjustments (based on these really cool scans of what my nerves are doing) and then lets my body realign itself. (S is also for sunsets and spirit guides and smoothies and so much more…)

T is for Tranformation. A constant in my life and one of my favorite topics.

U is for underneath. As I walk deeper into the world of working with energy and Spirit, the world that lies underneath our visible reality, my eyes and mind and heart are being blown wide open. It’s magical.

V is for vision. I’ve had glasses for 5 years but I rarely wear them. Lately I’ve noticed my vision is a little blurry when I’m reading the iPad or have been at the computer too long. I guess it’s time to find a new eye doctor and have them checked, but I’m still resisting this particular sign that I’m not in my twenties anymore.

X is for X-ray. When I started with the new chiropractor, he had me take a series of very specific x-rays. It was mind blowing to see what was actually happening in my body and validated the discomfort I was feeling. I don’t have them done very often but when necessary, the information they provide is amazing. Looking closely at my skull and spine and hips was really cool.

Y is for Yes! I’m focusing on saying yes only to the things that really excite me, to the things I want to do or have or be instead of letting expectations and should’s pull me off course. I’m slowly getting better at it. Slowly.

Z is for zzzzzzz’s. I have been steadily working on getting more sleep over the last two years, after 7 years of insomnia and pushing too hard. I feel so much better and it’s painfully obvious when I don’t get enough. This former night owl is finally learning how to go to bed before 10 o’clock.

I can’t wait to read yours.

If you won the lottery, what would you do today? How differently would you live your life?

There are the material things of course. You might spring for a wardrobe do-over, a new car or a long-dreamed-of holiday. You could finally pay off your debt and call the architect about your dream house.  But when it comes to your every day living, what would you change?

Would you quit your job? Start a business? Stay home with your kids? Launch a non-profit? Do more yoga?

I ask myself this question because it helps me see if I’m really, truly, honestly following my heart as I go about my day.

If you take the financial pressure off, even for 5 minutes, even if it’s only in your mind, what information does that give you?

There will always be things that we have to do and the chances of any of us winning millions in the lottery are slim, but the answers that come when we ask this question are their own version of gold.

If you’re brave enough to ask the question, what one simple, tiny thing can you do this week to live into the answer?

The lottery might be out of reach but your dreams don’t have to be.

Want accountability or someone to cheer you on? Post your big dream or your one tiny thing in the comments below.

Several years ago I gave up complaining.

Really, I did. Mostly.

Lately I’ve noticed that in conversation – or sometimes in order to make conversation – I talk about what’s not working for me. A little warning bell goes off deep inside, sometimes so faintly that I don’t realize I’ve heard it until long after the conversation is over.

This week, I’m listening closely for that bell.

There’s a difference, I think, between acknowledging feelings around something being difficult or unwanted, and complaining about it. I’m not a fan of ignoring feelings, of pushing them down or to the side. I don’t believe in the “just think positively” spiritual bypass school of thought when we’re sad, angry, hurt, or grieving. I do believe in finding moments of kindness, compassion, gratitude, or joy in times of dark emotions. I also believe it’s important to watch our thoughts and keep them from spiraling out of control.

Our lives are emotionally complex and there many shades of gray, pink, orange, yellow and blue between black and white.

But complaining doesn’t serve anyone.

When you complain, you give your power away. You abandon your right to choose a different thought, perhaps a better one, or one that is more true and less colored by the story you’re telling yourself.

This week I invite you to listen to your thoughts and to your words, and when you hear something that sounds less-than-positive, ask yourself, “Am I complaining?”

If you are, can you stop? Can you change the thought or the story or the conversation?

And if you’re not, if you’re expressing an emotion and asking to be heard, that’s beautiful and I honor it.

Those two things feel very different. Can you identify the difference in you?