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All I could do was cry

October 14, 2010 By Alana Leave a Comment

I am struggling today. Maybe because it’s Thursday (I would have been 34 weeks. It’s been 11 weeks since he died), or because tomorrow is October 15th – National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, or because on days when I’m ravenous, exhausted and alone, parenting and grief are savage bedfellows.

Lying next to Ada as she fell asleep, all I wanted to do was get up and eat chocolate. I went to meditate instead, but all I could do was cry.

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Comments

  1. vera kate says

    October 14, 2010 at 10:25 pm

    🙁 Hugs, friend.

    Reply
  2. Jessica says

    October 15, 2010 at 1:38 am

    <3 (((h ugs))) to you Alana <3

    Reply
  3. Dian Reid says

    October 15, 2010 at 6:53 am

    I recently read an advance copy of a book a friend of mine wrote, Lifetime of Tuesdays. A woman relives her past every Tuesday because that’s the day “it” happened. I imagine you were crying for all those reasons. I imagine you were crying for your loss. I imagine you were crying for the grief of it all, as only a mother who’s lost her son at 23 weeks can cry. I imagine there are reasons beyond all reason you were crying. But what do I know, I’m not you. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, and still I am grateful for you, in all your process. Hugs and Love and Light to you, my friend.

    Reply
  4. Sonja says

    October 15, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    I want you to know that I’m lighting a candle for Benjamin today. You’re on my mind.

    Reply
  5. wholly jeanne says

    October 18, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    wait. you mean eating chocolate is NOT meditation???

    Reply

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