There were no big tears today, no extraordinary sadness, no heavy sighs. Off and on I thought about the date, the numbers 2 and 9 nestled next to each other on the calendar page. I am 10 months from the day he died, with a year right around the corner. I daydream of the party I want to throw – a celebration to thank all those who’ve helped us through this emotional labyrinth – and I wonder if I can do it, or if those days will weigh too heavily to be absorbed in party planning and making sure there are enough deviled eggs on the tray.
The to-do list in front of me is a mile long. There are a thousand “should’s” running through my mind. If I have learned anything these last months, it’s that my heart, my soul, and my body come first. When I listen closely, what I hear tonight is, Light a candle, say a prayer, sleep.
With a heart full of love and gratitude, that is what I will do.