In my circle of friends and acquaintances, I knew four women who lost a total of five children in the second trimester.

I knew of at least two others who were friends of friends. I knew many more who miscarried in the first trimester and at least three (one of whom was my grandmother) who had their baby die within hours or days of being born.

Since Ben died I have met or heard from hundreds more. Miscarriage, 2nd and 3rd trimester pregnancy loss and infant death are devastatingly more common than anyone knows.

I have been pregnant four times. I have one beautiful daughter. My son, Benjamin, was stillborn at 23 weeks gestation on July 29, 2010 during emergency surgery to save my life.  My placenta abrupted. No one knows why. My first and third pregnancies were both first trimester miscarriages.

I remember hearing the stories of loss and feeling fear, hoping it would never be me. It was me. It is me. 

This blog was called Life After Benjamin from August 2010 to July 2012. It was my attempt to capture the small, easily forgotten moments that add up to the life of a grieving mother. I’ve considered deleting these posts, or publishing them in another format, but it feels important that they remain here. His death is the reason I do the work I do today. If you choose to read these early posts, you will understand who I am and what I bring to everything I do.

All posts from the first 18 months are categorized under #LifeAfterBenjamin and are easily searchable. Or simply go back to the beginning via the Archives in the right hand side bar and read forward.

I welcome your stories too, whether they are of miscarriage and baby loss, the death of a parent, spouse, animal or other loved one or any other kind of loss that has changed you. You can leave a comment here or send me a private message.

Thank you for reading and helping to keep Ben’s memory alive.

With love + gratitude,
Alana