Quick note: I’m not sure if these blog posts still go out to anyone’s inbox. If you’re seeing this and can’t remember who I am or no longer wish to receive these posts via email, PLEASE unsubscribe. Because inbox overwhelm is no fun.
It’s been a while.
4 years and 3 weeks to be exact.
We’ve had a global pandemic + unending political nastiness + the ups and downs of life and it’s been a lot. I hope you’re hanging in there. I hope there have been moments of beauty + grace + joy alongside the hard stuff.
I’m here because I realized this week that I’ve forgotten one of the biggest lessons Benjamin’s stillbirth taught me.
I need to write.
Even if I don’t know what to say. Even if what I have to say doesn’t feel important. Even if other folks are saying similar things.
I need. to. write.
Last year, I started writing fiction for the first time since high school. I signed up for daily writing prompts from Patti Digh and it was fun to set my creativity free for ten minutes a day until I started ignoring the texts and then feeling bad about myself for ignoring them. This year I entered a short story competition on a whim, and I was shocked to make it past the first round. Then I narrowly missed making it out of the second round (I got the first honorable mention, with some pretty great feedback from the judges). It’s been a blast. I want to get better at fiction and I miss my non-fiction writing.
I’m still not sure I have much to say but that’s just smallness talking.
Over the last few years, I’ve developed an Ancestor veneration practice, thanks to time spent learning from Fabeku and Alexis. Many cultures around the world have strong traditions to stay connected with and honor their ancestors, but it’s not something I grew up with. The practice has added a richness to my life and I am grateful to be strengthening my relationships with those who’ve come before.
I’m also at the start of a new life cycle. I turned 50 this year and I’m in my 1 year in the 9 Star Ki system of elemental astrology that I learned a decade ago, right at the beginning of my last 1 year. There have been plenty of “who am I and why am I on the planet?” thoughts circling my angsty, foggy, perimenopausal brain. I’ve been asking the Ancestors for their help figuring it out.
The other day I was sitting at the Ancestor altar, having breakfast with them and just sharing the space when I heard them say, Your words are your legacy.
Excuse me, what?
While I feel close to my Ancestors, I don’t typically hear them talking to me.
Show up at the page, they continued. Just keep showing up at the page.
Ummm. Okay. I had questions. But they simply repeated themselves with this firm, no-nonsense feeling of unconditional love.
So I figure if they care enough to tell me, very clearly, what I need to do, it would be smart of me to listen.
I won’t be showing up HERE every day. Not everything is fit for public consumption. But I’d like to be here more. I don’t know if anyone blogs these days, but I remember when we did, and we made friends through our blogs and our writing and our sharing of everyday experiences. Some of those people are still in my life and I treasure them. So who knows what magic could unfold now that I’m back.
I’m always open to more magic.
P.S. Speaking of words, I published a mindfulness journal at the end of last year. You can find it on Lulu, Amazon and online at Barnes & Noble. It’s a sweet, simple practice and I’ve received really lovely feedback from people who are working with it.
P.P.S. Other people’s words I’ve been enjoying lately:
* Sparks Like Stars by Nadia Hashimi. It’s a beautiful story, gorgeously told. Even though the story deals with trauma, it’s handled so beautifully that it never left me feeling traumatized.
* Know My Name by Chanel Miller. I’m listening to this memoir from “Emily Doe”, the woman who was sexually assaulted by Brock Turner on the Stanford campus. Though it’s a hard story, her writing is luminous.
* Abby Jimenez, the hilarious owner of Nadia Cakes bakery, is also a romance writer. I’ve found her books to be a delightful antidote to the heaviness of the world. She follows the tried & true romance formula but adds surprising depth and realness as her characters navigate issues like infertility, disability & grief. I recommend starting with this one. Oh – and be sure to read the pinned post on the Nadia Cakes Facebook page if you’re in need of a good laugh.