I am undressing. Peeling layer after layer away. The protection of extra weight. The comfort of not-quite-addictions. The sweat soaked second skin of fear. I am taking them off publicly and privately, baring my soul in the process. I am watching my body change in the full-length mirror, watching my judgments of it lessen as the love grows.

I was looking through old photos the other day. Pictures of me from what feels like another life. I am almost unrecognizable to myself both then and now. The inner has yet to match the outer, total alignment just out of my grasp. In the pictures of me then I am thin, fit, smiling and yet I know underneath lay a sadness, a sense of failure and disappointment that kept me from myself.  I search for the pain but there is no trace. I wore a mask well. I am undressing in order to reach that place where the smile in the photo pulls you into my soul instead of keeping you at arm’s length. I am moving toward a body that is older, wiser, and infinitely stronger, a heart that is full of compassion, love and a willingness to let people be themselves, and a spirit that drinks thirstily of connection without getting lost in the other.

I want my body to be loved in spite of its age, its imperfections, its scars. I want to be seen for who I am, not who I think you want me to be. I am undressing. Peeling away the layers of habit, conditioning, and lies I was told.  I want to live fully in trust, to live powerfully, to know that I exist without the extras. There are moments when I am shy, but until I stand completely naked with myself, I will continue to undress.