Saturday afternoon we decided to put out an invitation to some of our local friends for today – beach time and a potluck at our place. The weather has been gorgeous and though we’re not 100% settled, the house is presentable. Sometimes last minute invites work best.

As I walked through my house tonight, hearing bits and pieces of conversations, watching children play, noticing smiling faces, I realized this was my coming out party.

I am coming out of hibernation. I am coming out of the intense grief. I am coming out into the sun, able to smile again.

I admired my very pregnant friend’s belly and felt genuine joy for her. I watched the baby who was born three days before Ben died play in her mama’s arms, without the ache that the mere thought of her used to bring.

I had fun.

It was chaotic. It was noisy. It was alive.

The heart is amazing in its ability to hold all that we are, all that we feel.

For the fullness of life, for friends, for the warming sun and ocean air, I am grateful.

* I would love to do a redesign of my site, but I have neither the time nor the expertise. The original image was feeling too stark, so I’ve replaced it. This is a picture I took in December. This is the sun and the ocean and the beach that has helped bring me back to life. For now, it will do.