The note on my calendar yesterday said You Create Miracles. My first reaction was to dismiss this – dismiss myself – with a shake of the head and a wry smile. Then I stopped. Yes. Yes, I do create miracles. I’ve given birth to two.
*****
I’ve been trying to avoid using the bathroom while Ada was present but today, that proved impossible. I was concerned about her reaction to seeing blood again. I explained a period as simply as I could, and that it was different from the bleeding I had when I was pregnant with Ben. She seemed to accept it easily. She looked at me for a while as she chomped on her peanut butter sandwich.
My baby brother isn’t in your tummy anymore.
No he isn’t.
Maybe we’ll grow another one some day. Maybe not in your tummy, maybe in somebody else’s.
Maybe sweetheart. We’ll see.
*****
I have so many things to say and no words to say them with tonight.
Instead, I will share links to other words I found today. Words that moved me, found via Patti Digh.
Julia Cho on helping her daughter grieve. You can click through to her blog to read more of her writing as she struggles to survive the death of her husband and parent their toddler.
Life goes on. Grief changes everything.
