It has been one week since Benjamin’s…birth? Death? What do I call it? Soon it will be one month, then one year, then ten years. The healing will happen because it must. It is what we do as human beings – we heal or we die. I will heal.

Today I am nursing a sick little girl and my own stomach upset. Our host was up all night with a stomach bug and it seems that Ada and I are the ones to have caught it. I am praying for sleep to bring relief and hoping my incisions get a night of rest, not a workout.

I am exhausted, overwhelmed and in spite of others’ presence, feel so alone. I want my husband. I want someone to take care of me. I want a healthy daughter. She so rarely gets sick and after losing one child, the fear of losing the other has grabbed me by the throat. I imagine that’s normal. I breathe deeply and let it go.