Reverb10. December 17.

Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (from Tara Weaver, author of The Butcher and the Vegetarian)

2010 was a year of hard lessons for me. Big lessons. Life altering. I have a feeling when I look back in five or ten years time, 2010 will be the year that forever shifted the set of my sails. As painful as the past eleven and a half months have been, they’ve been accompanied by a flicker of excitement, like a tender candle flame that tickles my insides and lights me up. It’s a small, private excitement. One that needs to be nursed into the roaring fire I can feel coming in the marrow of my bones.

Strength.

I learned how incredibly strong I am. I learned how much I can live through and come out the other side, picking up pieces of myself and hot gluing them back together with honesty,  compassion and helping hands.

Interdependence.

I learned to ask for help this year. Our culture forces us into independence early. We are shamed when we can’t do things ourselves. We lose sight of the beauty of asking for help. It’s a gift we give those who love us. I needed help. Lots of it. What a relief it was to realize I don’t have to do it all.

Spirit.

I learned that I am connected to Spirit in a way that I have wished to experience as long as I can remember. I learned that if I open my heart and mind, if I allow myself to trust, there is a safety net. I have angels. I can hear the voice of my higher self more clearly than ever before.

Love.

I learned that I am worth loving. This knowledge makes me cry. One day I will accept this easily, perhaps. For now it brings me to my knees.