Choosing a word of the year has become trendy, which means there are those who love it, those who hate it, those who feel they should follow it though they’re not sure they want to, those who feel badly (or righteous) because they’re not doing it, and those who don’t know what to think about it all. This is not an exhaustive list, but you get the point.

I can’t remember how many years I’ve chosen a word to be my north star for 365 days. It must have started around the time I gave up on resolutions and decided on a kinder, simpler way to step into a new year. I’ve fallen deeply in love with the process. It works for me. Usually there’s one main word that shows up (this year it’s Home) but there are often more swimming around in my consciousness, like a constellation instead of a single star. I’ve learned to welcome whatever intuition brings.

The last two years I’ve also chosen a daily practice.  In 2012 I went to Celebration School. 2013 became a Year of Noticing. Both involved a daily Facebook check in. I loved the feedback and community that came as a result. But since I tend to leave my practice to the end of the day (a habit I’m slooooowly changing) I needed one that didn’t involve sitting down at the computer right before bed. This year I’m turning inward and my practice (writing a poem a day) will be less public, though pieces of it will show up here, I’m sure.

This year we traveled on New Year’s Eve, coming home from a week with my family in Canada. What struck me the morning of January 1st was that it was just another day (with extra permission to sleep in) and I was the same me I’d been the night before. So many years I’ve gone to bed on December 31st hoping that by the end of the following year I’d be different – thinner, more successful, happier, more rested, better known. This year I’m feeling good about who I am and the path I’m on. There are still habits I’m working to shift (see above) and days that I wish things would happen faster but it’s a relief to not feel desperate about change.

For 2014, as I hold my words close and begin my new practice I am keeping my heart open to the me that lives this life, day in, day out, with the disorganized desk, the cluttered inbox, the soft belly, and the strange resistance to making space for pleasure and creativity and enough sleep. Because that me, she’s doing the best she can and she’s worthy of my kindness and my love.

How have you begun your year? I’d love to know.

P.S. If you do have a word and want it to keep it close in tangible way, here are three wonderful options for you: Kelly Barton’s beautiful hand painted wood slice and Liz Lamoreux’s custom soul mantra necklaces or pocket talismans.

P.P.S. I’m excited to be back after my creative sabbatical and I’m working on a few changes behind the scenes. Stay tuned as I unveil them over the next weeks – I hope you’ll like them too!

Wherever you are this week and whatever you’re celebrating (or not celebrating) I wish for you to:

~ find your breath and deepen it, as many times as necessary

~ embrace the beauty of the shadows as well as the light

~ step outside the messiness of being human, just for a moment, and see it with new and loving eyes

~ beam compassion to those around you, knowing that we are all doing our best with the stories and wounds and secrets we have

~ dance with wild abandon, even if only in your heart

with so much love,
Alana

[While I’m on creative sabbatical through the end of the year, I’m pulling some of the most popular posts from the archives and sharing them again. I love the holidays and it’s easy to forget to take care of myself. Perhaps it’s similar for you?]

 

Here is what I want to say today, to myself. Maybe you need to hear it too.

It’s okay to rest. To put down the pen, the book, the planner, the constant desire to find value in the doing, and lie down for a moment.

It’s okay to acknowledge your fear of missing out, then shut the computer down anyway, knowing that you can’t catch it all.

It’s okay to stop listening to the whirl of the outside world and turn inward to the whispers of your soul. You know how much you need it, how the air clears and the dust settles when you do.

It’s okay to slow down, to find your own rhythm, to stop and touch stillness.

It’s more than okay. It’s when magic happens.

Rest, sweet baby, rest.

[While I’m on creative sabbatical through the end of the year, I’m pulling some of the most popular posts from the archives and sharing them again. I wrote this post almost exactly a year ago. I could have written it again today.]

I woke up this morning with the image of a dead wolf seared onto the backs of my eyelids. It arrived in my inbox yesterday and broke my heart. From there my thoughts went to starving children, the mass rape of women and girls as an instrument of war, and the little boy at the table next to us last night whose mother used subtle shame in a misguided attempt to have him meet her needs.

What do we do when our world feels upside down and we want to do something – anything everything – to make it a better place?

I’ve driven my car on a snow covered highway and watched a wolf trot alongside me, her beauty and majesty taking my breath away. I want to save wolves.

I have friends who’ve been raped and I’ve seen the effects on their bodies, souls and psyches. I can’t imagine the horrors being inflicted in other parts of the world. I want to end the brutality.

I’ve known adults who cannot free themselves from shame and I’ve seen the positive effects of respectful parenting on the spirits of little ones. I want our children to thrive.

As pleas for year-end donations fill my mailbox and inbox, as stories of man’s inhumanity run alongside photos of Santa in the news, as my heart is tugged in a thousand directions, I can feel myself spinning, flailing to find my footing. I want to be rich so I can throw money at everyone who asks and I know that’s not the answer.

The answer is inside.

It’s slowing down so I can hear my own voice. It’s simplifying and letting go and staying open to what feels right. It’s knowing that I can’t save anyone else and I’m not supposed to.

But I can be a force for good in the world. I can show up as love, without fear, hatred or judgment, as often as possible. I can give my time, my energy, my money in ways that align with my values, trusting that others will do the same.

I have found that to do this, sustainably, I need to love and accept my beautifully imperfect, messy self. It’s unbelievably hard some days but I’m getting better at it. Forgiveness and a sense of humor help.

Today I’m forgiving myself for the office reorganization that’s taking so long the cat has mistaken my to-be-filed bin for a litter box. I’m loving myself in spite of my inability to get a few daunting tasks done. I’m accepting that I can’t see around the next corner and I am needing to trust, once again, that I am exactly where I need to be.

And I’m celebrating the heck out of all of it. Because life is ephemeral and there is joy to be danced with.

How about you? What are you forgiving yourself for today? What are you celebrating?