I don’t know how long this cold will last and I know sleep is the biggest gift I can give myself.

I don’t know what today will bring and I trust there will be love, laughter and maybe a miracle or two.

I don’t know what people will say when I die and I believe being a force for love & compassion in the world is why I’m here.

I don’t know why grief is feeling so present again and as uncomfortable as it is, I trust that the timing is perfect.

I don’t know what kind of person my daughter will grow into and walking alongside her is the greatest gift of my life.

I don’t know how to create more space in my days and I know that because I want to, I will.

I don’t know what life will bring and I believe that even through the really hard stuff, the universe is on my side.

I don’t know anything, really, other than what I believe to be true sustains me. That surrendering control, taking inspired action and loving more are my keys to a happy life. That there is good in the world everywhere I look (even if I have to look below the surface). That we are all imperfect and doing the best we can in the moment.

I don’t know keeps me from being a know-it-all. It helps me go back to beginner’s mind and stay open to life’s lessons. It links me back up to I surrender, I receive and I trust. It helps me stay curious instead of shutting down when things aren’t going according to plan.

Letting go of the hunt for answers is both delicious and terrifying.

In theater school we were taught to live in the question. It’s ridiculously hard for us humans to do because we want security and clarity and guidance. As much as I am craving the when and the how and the why right now, standing squarely in I don’t know and remaining securely tethered to my desires is the best I can do.

Let the magic of the future unfold.

 

For a number of reasons, I’m asking myself the following questions right now. I wondered if some of them might feel relevant for you too.

How do I want to spend my days? (And how do I want to feel as I live them?)

What are my priorities right now and are the choices I make in alignment with them?

What can I let go of to make space for those priorities and those desired feelings?

What mindset or self-talk needs to shift in order for my life to feel more spacious?

And inspired by Brittany Maynard’s deeply touching story (alongside so many others) I’m asking myself:

If I had a year (or less) to live, what would I do?

As I sit with these questions, the words dancing through my heart and mind are

Let It Be Simple

because gosh, we humans like to complicate things, don’t we?

I married into a Catholic family. My husband was not much of a churchgoer when we met so I’ve only attended a handful of services over the dozen years we’ve been together. A wedding here, a baptism there, a rare holiday when we’re all gathered. Whenever I’m in a church, I am aware of my residual discomfort with organized religion, so I sit and do my best to listen to what’s happening under the words and formalities that are second nature to those who’ve practiced them for a lifetime.

My favorite moment is always when the priest utters the words, Peace be with you, and the entire congregation responds, And also with you.

This year I’ve tried on a new practice of consciously blessing those who tug on my heartstrings (or my judgement, or my jealousy) the moment I feel the pull. It helps me remember that we are each responsible for our own journey and that the universe is abundant, even if it doesn’t always look that way on the surface. I’ve experimented with different words, from a simple, “Bless you” to a lengthy wish, listing everything I can think of that I hope for that person.

This week I’m trying on the simplicity of “Peace be with you” because it is what I deeply wish for all of us. If success brings you peace, I wish it for you. If love brings you peace, I wish it for you. If roaming the streets with all of your belongings brings you peace then I bless you in that and if it doesn’t, I wish for you to find what does.

This doesn’t absolve me of responsibility to make the world a better place. It doesn’t mean I will stop sponsoring a little girl in Haiti or micro-lending through Kiva or standing up for the change I wish to see. But it does help my heart hurt less when there’s nothing I can do to “fix” someone’s circumstances. It helps me remember that I wouldn’t trade my life or my problems for another’s, even if she seems more successful, more pulled-together or better able to juggle the demands of motherhood and business than I.

And so on this warm October morning, as I listen to the waves and wonder what the week has in store, I put my hand on my heart and send my wish out to the world…

Peace be with you

then I gently turn it around and with deep reverence, wish it for myself…

and also with you.

May we all find our moments of peace this week.

When your to-do list is running off the page and time is slipping through your fingers, press pause, slow yourself down and feel into what really matters.

When the phone finally rings and it’s the person you’ve been waiting for with the news you’ve been hoping for, press pause and let this moment sink into your bones.

When you’re headed for the chocolate stashed on top of the fridge or find yourself flipping mindlessly through your Facebook feed, press pause and ask yourself what you’d rather be doing (or what you’re avoiding).

When you feel yourself pushing too hard…
When your head (or heart) is about to explode…
When you’re tied up in knots and don’t know where to turn…

Press pause.

Breathe.
Listen.
Just for a moment.

Let the stillness change you.

Press pause.