I send flowers to the doctor, to the nurses in labor and delivery who took such good care of me, who let me into their hearts. I cancel my appointment with the perinatologist. Why? the voice on the phone asks. My baby died.

My doctor calls to check in. He’s just received the flowers. I already know what he thinks of me. I know that over the last 5 months of ups and downs we have touched his heart. He leaves a message, calls it an impossible situation. I sob.