Early Days

The grief is pouring out of me like early days.

I don’t sleep well. I wake up tired, spent. I am unhappy, uncomfortable, as though I am the princess and there is a pea hidden under my skin. My patience is worn, my smile forced. Finally I take a moment to sit, to breathe, to feel where in my body I hurt. The hole in my heart has reopened – not that it was closed, but perhaps scabbing over. Its blackness yawns. I stumble into the bathroom and sob, quietly, so as not to disturb the morning too much. I go inside, ask my heart what will heal it today. I get answers – simple ones. Connect to your husband. Laugh with your daughter. Clean your house. Write. Dance. Stand with your toes at the ocean’s edge and scream – let it out, let it go.

Grief is a personal journey. It doesn’t follow a linear path. I didn’t want to climb this mountain again, but here I go. Maybe it will be easier this time. And I remember, the view from the top is breath taking.

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7 Responses to Early Days

  1. holly says:

    Thinking of you. <3

  2. Beautiful.
    Remembering my own grief, that came from different reasons than yours, but none the less powerful for that.

    And if I may, being a classmate of yours in ‘Profitable Idealism’, I don’t think your Dream is too much at all. It is big, yes, but beautiful, and doable, and I hope to see you fly into it as the time is right. :>

    Brightest Blessings & *hugs!* if you’d like them. :>

  3. Roos says:

    It’s OK. Let it pour.

  4. Christa says:

    Holding space for you.

    Be gentle with yourself.


  5. pamela says:

    What Christa says. Be gentle.

    It was great talking to you today! It will get easier, my friend.


  6. Liz says:

    oh, I’ve been missing you so much lately. I have just wanted to connect, see how you were, say hi. It finally occurred to me to come here. Reaching out to let you know I love you.

  7. Stereo says:

    Don’t hold back. Let it out. So much love to you.

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