The ache

Today I’m taking my cue from Susannah Conway’s August Break and posting a picture.

This is Ada, who decided she would try “Mutton Busting” at the county fair today. My heart pounded as she was helped into her padded vest and helmet, her chin held so tightly she could barely smile. She stood calmly in line, turning to hold her hand out to the sheep behind her as my heart broke and it was all I could do to keep the tears from falling. Holding on hard to my composure, I wondered how many times I will have to hide my fear as she steps into her own life. How many times I will ask my angels to keep her safe, keep her alive. How many times I will lean deeply into the knowledge that I have no control and all I can do is love her every moment, of every day, for the rest of my life hoping, with the desperate ache of a parent who has already lost one child, that she will be there to receive it.

P.S. None of us had any idea what Mutton Busting actually entailed. After watching the first contestant fall off the sheep, she decided it was too scary. A moment of reprieve. For now.

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5 Responses to The ache

  1. Roos says:

    Sending love!
    p.s. and Ada rocks in her outfit 😉

  2. pamela says:

    I love this. Ada is so brave! Love her. And you! Xoxo

  3. Celina says:

    I don’t think my daughter would be brave enough to try. We have a Jr Rodeo in my old hometown and man could some of those little ones hold on!

  4. Stereo says:

    Your fears are completely understandable. Expected even. And it’s brave of you to share them here with us. Ada is badass. Just so you know.

  5. jojo says:

    oh wow! glad for the reprieve. that just made me smile hugely! bless her dear little heart and yours too! xo

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