Shortly before I met my husband, while healing from the heartbreak of a destructive love affair, I had three conversations with women in their 50’s, all of whom had been married over twenty years. Each of them told me essentially the same thing. There is no The One. You meet someone, you fall in love, you make a choice. You make a commitment, or you don’t. All of them believed there were many possible spouses for each of us, out there in the world.
I found this advice incredibly freeing. Instead of the torment of trying to figure out if my next date was the Disney Prince who was supposed to sweep me off my feet and make life happy forever after, I could, very simply, make a choice. As it turned out, there were three men who appeared in my life in the following months who I felt I could have chosen a life with. They all lived in different worlds and while I had feelings for all three of them, the choice ended up being simple. I fell in love. I made a commitment.
The brilliant thing about all of this is the choice part. Every single day, I get to choose again. Do I want to love this person? Do I want to commit to this person? If the answer is yes, then I get to ask, What will it take to stay in love with this person? To stay committed? To grow and deepen our relationship? To create our happiest life together? If I am drawn to someone else, I get to make another choice – Is it worth sacrificing my relationship to explore this attraction? If I feel there is a growing distance between myself and the one I love, I have the opportunity to decide if I want to bridge that gap and turn towards him, or turn away. It is my choice. He gets to choose me too.
There is always a choice – even when it feels like life has our hands tied behind our backs with baling wire. Stand in your power and make your decision. Right now – what are you afraid to choose?