10 months

There were no big tears today, no extraordinary sadness, no heavy sighs. Off and on I thought about the date, the numbers 2 and 9 nestled next to each other on the calendar page. I am 10 months from the day he died, with a year right around the corner. I daydream of the party I want to throw – a celebration to thank all those who’ve helped us through this emotional labyrinth – and I wonder if I can do it, or if those days will weigh too heavily to be absorbed in party planning and making sure there are enough deviled eggs on the tray.

The to-do list in front of me is a mile long. There are a thousand “should’s” running through my mind. If I have learned anything these last months, it’s that my heart, my soul, and my body come first. When I listen closely, what I hear tonight is, Light a candle, say a prayer, sleep.

With a heart full of love and gratitude, that is what I will do.

This entry was posted in Life After Benjamin. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to 10 months

  1. Roos says:

    Lovely picture (and I enlarged it to catch a glimp of you and Ada in the shiny silver candle holder, am I right?).
    Just letting out a big sigh. For you, for me, for all of us.

    Have a good night sleep.
    -x-

  2. Christa says:

    Oh, this is good. Really good, in so many ways.

    Letting out a sigh of gratefulness here, too.

    And sending love.

  3. Mamaw says:

    Thank you for lighting the Alana crystal. The flame, though seemingly small, creates infinite reflections within and scatters shards of light to the universe. We feel we are there.

  4. Trena says:

    love to you

  5. Krista says:

    Next week is 4 months for us. Time seems to go by slower these days. I like your celebration idea. A year seems so far away right now.

    Smiles, laughter are becoming far more common in our daily routine.

    Thank you for sharing. xo

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *